How Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Relationships

Understanding the Invisible Threads That Connect Your Past to Your Present

Have you ever wondered why certain relationship patterns keep repeating, even when you try to do things differently? Perhaps you feel overly anxious when someone pulls away, or maybe you shut down when emotions rise. These behaviors can be difficult to explain—unless we consider the impact of childhood trauma.

Many adults carry emotional wounds from their early years into adulthood, often without realizing it. At Cherry Creek Therapy in Denver, we help clients explore how their childhood experiences influence their adult relationships—and how healing is possible through approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

What Counts as Childhood Trauma?

When people hear the word “trauma,” they often think of physical abuse or major incidents. But trauma can be much more subtle and still leave deep emotional scars. It can include:

·       Emotional neglect: Not feeling seen, heard, or valued.

·       Inconsistent caregiving: Unpredictable love or support.

·       Verbal abuse or chronic criticism.

·       Witnessing conflict or instability in the home.

·       Being parentified (forced to act like the adult in the household).

Trauma doesn’t always come from what happened—it can also come from what didn’t happen. The absence of emotional safety, affection, or validation can shape the way a child grows to see themselves and others.

How Childhood Trauma Leaves a Lasting Imprint

Our earliest experiences shape how we perceive the world and how we connect with others. These experiences wire our nervous system and influence our attachment style—our internal blueprint for relationships.

Common ways childhood trauma shows up in adulthood:

·       Fear of abandonment or rejection

·       People-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries

·       Difficulty trusting others

·       Chronic self-doubt or shame

·       Trouble expressing or managing emotions

Without intervention, these patterns often resurface in romantic relationships, friendships, and even workplace dynamics.

Romantic Relationships and Childhood Wounds

Romantic relationships tend to stir up the deepest attachment wounds. Adults who experienced trauma in childhood may find themselves:

·       Becoming emotionally distant or unavailable

·       Being overly dependent or anxious in relationships

·       Sabotaging connections due to fear of getting hurt

·       Struggling with communication or emotional intimacy

It’s not uncommon to fall into familiar cycles—arguing about the same issues, avoiding vulnerability, or choosing partners who reflect unresolved dynamics from the past.

The Ripple Effect on Friendships and Family

Childhood trauma doesn’t just affect romantic relationships. It also influences how we relate to friends and family members. Adults with unresolved trauma may:

·       Take on caretaker roles at the expense of their own needs

·       Feel overly responsible for other people’s emotions

·       Struggle to say no or ask for help

·       Gravitate toward relationships that feel “familiar” but unhealthy

In many cases, these behaviors feel automatic. They’re protective strategies formed early on to survive emotional hardship.

Healing Through IFS Therapy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a powerful approach for healing childhood trauma. IFS sees the mind as made up of different “parts,” each with its own story, emotion, or protective role. For example, the part of you that gets anxious in relationships may be protecting a younger part that felt abandoned as a child.

With IFS, we gently work with these parts—not to get rid of them, but to understand and care for them. This compassionate inner work allows clients to:

·       Access their core “Self,” which is calm, wise, and grounded

·       Build a trusting relationship with wounded inner parts

·       Unburden old beliefs and emotional pain

·       Rewire how they relate to others in the present

To learn more about this therapy, visit our IFS Therapy Services Page.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing from childhood trauma doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means reclaiming your ability to live fully in the present without being controlled by old wounds.

In therapy, you’ll learn to:

·       Recognize and shift harmful relationship patterns

·       Develop secure attachment as an adult

·       Build emotional regulation skills

·       Strengthen self-worth and self-compassion

·       Form deeper, more fulfilling connections with others

This kind of healing takes time, but it’s absolutely possible.